I read something recently that’s given me quite a bit to reflect on. I can’t remember where this quote came from, but it’s been knocking around my brain for a couple days.

“For a boy to become a man requires the presence of another man.”

I’ve been thinking about the “other men” in my life. I’ve been blessed with some great male role models over the years. As I reflect on these men and the unique roles they’ve played in shaping me into who I am today, there are 5 men who have been especially influential. I’m going to spend the next few days blogging about these men and their influences in my life.

5. Alan Shates, my father-in-law.
I met Alan Shates nearly 12 years ago the summer before my Senior year of high school. Little did I know how much this man would come to mean to me. Alan and his wife, Stephanie, married young and had their children quite early. Consequently, Alan had to work extremely hard to provide for his family, a work ethic inherited by his daughter. When I first started coming around, I was a little intimidated by Alan. (I suppose every boy should feel that way about his girlfriend’s father.) It didn’t help that I drove a Honda Accord and Alan was an employee of the Ford Motor Co. But I knew I was in when I had to call him to borrow some cash to pay for dinner on a date with Sunny. (After the check came, I realized I’d forgotten my wallet!) He bailed me out with a smile and some kind words: “It happens to all of us, Jason.”

As the years passed, I developed tremendous respect for Alan. He and Stephanie had some pretty stringent rules for us when we were dating, but I knew their motives were true. When the time came for me to propose to Sunny, I sought his approval first. I wasn’t entirely sure how they would respond, but as I did my best to convince him that I would take care of his little girl, he again spoke words of grace: “I’m not worried about that, Jason. You love each other and the Lord will take care of you.”

I’ve learned much from Alan in the years since I married his daughter. In the earlier days of our marriage, it would bother me a little when Sunny would call her father for his opinion about something. I guess my pride led me to believe I should have all the answers for her. Thankfully I’ve gotten over my pride. Now I realize she was just relying on his expertise. My father-in-law is the “go to” guy for me now. From handyman questions to financial advice to parenting tips, he’s always the first one I call. Our relationship was taken to a new level when Joshua and Abby Kate were born. I’ve said this before, but the 9 days Abby Kate spent in the NICU and the 31 days Joshua spent there were the most difficult days of my life. Again, Alan’s words brought me comfort during those trying days. As we sat with Joshua late one night, Alan tearfully encouraged me to be faithful to God, even in circumstances I couldn’t understand. “God’s gonna take care of this little guy,” he told me. He couldn’t have been more right.

Alan, I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. But if you do, this is my way of thanking you for who you are in my life. Your influence helps me love your daughter and grandchildren better. You’re a good man and I thank you for helping me become the man I am today.