We’ve already talked about words of affirmation in this series. Some people really need to hear those words in order for their emotional tanks to be filled. But there are others among us who are more of the mindset that actions speak louder than words. For these people, they’re thinking, “I don’t need you to tell me that you love me. I want you to show me that you love me — show me by what you do, not by what you say.“

For these people, acts of service is their love language.

These people are usually pretty easy to identify in your family because they’ll do exactly what Martha does in this passage: they’ll complain about having to do it all while nobody else helps.

• Chapman says that they begin to “nag” — they will fixate on the things that aren’t being done and, like Martha, they have no problem vocalizing this.
• But we have to remember that people tend to criticize most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Chapman says this criticism is simply a plea for love.
• So he suggests that we should see the “nag” as a “tag” — as a way of our loved one saying, “I need you to love me here.”
  • Whenever our loved one begins to complain, we have an opportunity to hear it as a cry for love.

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The Bible tells us repeatedly that love is expressed through acts of service. I love the succinct way Paul emphasizes this in Galatians 5.

Serve one another in love.

Galatians 5:13

You can probably think of countless ways to serve people in a spirit of Christian love: mowing the grass, loading the dishwasher, helping a friend move to a new apartment.

But with acts of service, it’s not just about what you do. How you do it is really important. With acts of service, attitude is everything. We are told to serve one another in love. That means that the act of service can’t be done begrudgingly — or else it’s not a full act of love.

• Let’s say you’re a teenager and your Mom’s love language is acts of service. And she asks you to unload the dishwasher.
  • You can unload the dishwasher as an act of love — because you love this dear woman who carried you in her womb and gave birth to you after 15 hours of grueling labor, this woman who fed you and clothed you, etc. You can unload the dishwasher out of the overflow of the lifetime of love this woman has lavished upon you.
  • Or, you can unload the dishwasher with a bad attitude. You’re slamming the utensil drawer and you’re fuming that you have to come and do these chores, etc. You’re technically unloading the dishwasher, but you’re trying to weaponize that act of service — which completely misses the point.

Which one of those does Mom receive as an act of love? Of course, it’s obvious.

Attitude is everything when it comes to acts of service.

• You can’t have a bad attitude about it or it doesn’t count. Your loved one has a Spidey-sense about this — they know you too well and if he / she will see that bad attitude every time.
• If you’re doing something begrudgingly or out of some sense of obligation, it kind of takes away from the spirit of love.

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We began this series by talking about how Jesus demonstrates love through all five of these love languages. He is our ultimate example — we should always be striving to love people like Jesus loves people. So it’s no surprise that Jesus gives us such a clear example of how an act of service can be an expression of love.

John 13:1-5

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.

The evening meal was being served … so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

As Jesus and His followers gather together for the Passover meal, it says that He showed them the full extent of his love. John uses a phrase here that literally reads, He loved them to the end, to the finish. The Greek word is telos, which means “goal” or “end point.” John is saying that Jesus loved them fully, to the very end.

• In fact, just a few chapters later, when John writes about Jesus dying on the cross, he tells us that Jesus said, “It is finished,” (John 19:30) — and the word John uses is the same word, telos.
• If you were reading this Gospel in its original language, the link between the foot washing and the death of Jesus would be evident.

Both of them are acts of service, motivated by love.

Both the foot washing and the crucifixion were radical, even shocking. And sometimes, in order to serve someone in love, we have to follow His example by doing something radical.

• In the ancient world, foot washing was the work of household servants. This was a culture that was very mindful of things like honor and shame that were associated with one’s status. But Jesus takes this servant role upon Himself, which shocked the disciples. And He does this because to love someone is to serve them, to put their needs ahead of your own.
• And of course, the crucifixion was even more shocking. No one expected the Messiah to die, certainly not at the hands of the Romans, certainly not as a convicted felon, an enemy of the state. But that’s what the crucifixion represented. And yet, for the joy set before Him Jesus endured the cross (Heb. 12:2). And He did this as a way of serving us in love.

Who can you serve this week? Following the example of Jesus, whose feet are you willing to wash this week? How can you apply the example of Jesus to your neighbor? Your co-workers? Your teachers at school? Your children? Your spouse?

Let’s use acts of service to demonstrate love to those around us.