Physical touch is a powerful communication tool. A handshake is a way of communicating a greeting. Or, perhaps in some circumstances, it represents the sealing of a business agreement. A hug sends a message of warmth and sympathy. A high-five communicates excitement and joy.

Of course, physical touch can also communicate negative emotions. We use metaphors like “a slap in the face” or “a punch to the gut” to communicate shock or pain. These only have significance as metaphors because of the pain associated with these physical touches.

Our focus here is to think about how physical touch can be used appropriately to communicate love. We’re wired for this from the very beginning. It has been well documented that babies need plenty of physical touch at birth. They need to be held because this communicates something to the child in a language far deeper than words. And although we certainly change as we age, we never really outgrow the need for appropriate physical touch.

As we think about this love language, here is an important disclaimer: there is no “one size fits all” application of physical touch as a love language. What we mean is that you have to take physical touch on an individual level, a case-by-case level. There are varying levels of acceptable and appropriate physical touch from one relationship to the next:

• With a neighbor or a co-worker, a handshake is probably the limit of what is reasonable and acceptable. You might speak kind words to your co-worker; you can serve your next door neighbor by watering her flowers when she’s on vacation; but you’re probably going to be limited in the ways you can demonstrate love to these people through physical touch.
• But with a close friend? There may come a time when that friend will need you to embrace them — when they receive a bit of bad news, for example.
• Certainly with your children, your nieces and nephews, your grandchildren — there’s a different level there.
• And, of course, the physical touch between a husband and a wife is in a category all by itself.

It is important that we understand that different relationships come with different boundaries. And in order to use physical touch as a way of expressing love, we have to be aware of appropriate boundaries. When it comes to physical touch, boundaries are essential. Unwanted physical touch is unacceptable. There are some people who do NOT respond well to physical touch — and that’s okay. It is incumbent upon us to respect those boundaries.

There are some people in your life for whom physical touch is a primary love language. And for them, appropriate physical touch helps them feel loved.