In our Boundaries series, we have identified three biblical principles for developing healthy boundaries:

1. The Principle of Responsibility
2. The Principle of Reaping
3. The Principle of Respect

Today we turn our attention to the third of these principles: the principle of respect.

Healthy relationships are founded upon mutual respect.

When someone shows that they have respect for your boundaries, you feel dignified. You feel as if you really matter whenever another individual honors the boundaries you’ve established.

Contrast that with the way you feel when your boundaries are questioned. How does it feel whenever you’re made to defend or explain your boundaries? How do you feel when someone pushes against those boundaries? That’s an altogether different experience.

One of the most reliable ways to ensure that someone respects your boundaries is to show proper respect for his / her boundaries. This idea is at the heart of one of the most well known teachings of Jesus. We call it the Golden Rule.

Matthew 7:12

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

I can’t hear these words without thinking of my mother. I bet she quoted this verse to me more than any other. This was my Mom’s go-to response for almost any problem I would bring to her. If I was telling her about a problem I was having with a friend or a classmate, for example, I could count on her to say, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Mom believed that most of life’s problems could be cleared up if we just did what Jesus tells us to do here.

At the heart of it, this teaching is about respect. If you want someone to treat you with kindness, you should respect her enough to treat her with that same level of kindness. And for our boundaries series, this opens us up to an important principle: Boundary markers are to be respected. In the spirit of “treat others the way you want to be treated,” if I want you to respect my boundary, I need to be respectful of your boundary as well.

This seems simple enough. But so many of our boundary problems boil down to a lack of proper respect.