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What comes to mind when you hear the words “humility” and “submission?”

In our world today, submission isn’t a very popular idea. But then again, I’m not sure it’s ever been that popular in any day and age. In our individualistic culture, we think a submissive person is a weak person, a doormat. For some people, the idea of submission even sounds offensive. We value things like speaking your mind and standing up for yourself and winning. Thus, the idea of submission is quite out-of-step with the prevailing wisdom of our day.

And we could say the same thing about humility. Our culture shines the spotlight on the proud and the successful. We live in a celebrity-obsessed culture. In years gone by, our children dreamed of being police officers and firefighters and astronauts. Today, many of our young people aspire to be “influencers” and social media celebrities. You have to have a brand, you have to have a “hot take” in order to generate clicks. So when we talk about something like humility, we’re swimming upstream in today’s world.

But the real question isn’t, “What does our culture say about submission and humility?” Rather, the question is, “What does God have to say about submission and humility?”

God’s Word is very clear: followers of Christ are told to submit to one another out of reverence for the Lord. This command is found in Ephesians 5:21. If we look at this text, we see that this statement is actually the conclusion of a string of imperatives beginning all the way back at verse 15.

Ephesians 5:15-21

Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul begins by saying be careful how you live — literally, “be careful how you walk, not as unwise but as wise.” With this teaching, Paul is encouraging a way of walking which demonstrates Christian wisdom. That’s the thread holding together what otherwise seem to be unrelated behaviors:

• Wise Christian living makes the most of the time as it says in v16. KJV, redeeming the time. Beautiful concept. And the reason for this is clear: because the days are evil.
• Do not get drunk on wine; instead be filled with the Spirit (v18). The one who follows Jesus sees the wisdom in being controlled by the Spirit, not by alcohol – or any other substance.
• Those who belong to Jesus see the wisdom in a life of worship. Thus, they sing and make melody in their hearts (v19) and they always give thanks (v20).

This is what wise Christian living LOOKS LIKE according to the apostle Paul. This is how a Christian WALKS. And he adds this final command: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

• The word Paul uses means to willingly place yourself under someone else.
• Sometimes it is translated as “obey” and other times it means “submit.”

And Paul does something very interesting here. He doesn’t simply give the teaching about the behavior; he also adds this bit about the motivation BEHIND the behavior. The full verse reads, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Reverence is phobos, “fear.” Because we fear the Lord — because we respect Him and because we are in awe of Him — this is the motivation for our submission to others.

• Important point: submission is never commanded out of a sense of inferiority.
  • The next section of Ephesians deals with the relationship between husbands and wives.
  • Wives don’t submit to the leadership of the husband in the home because they are incapable of leadership. They don’t submit because they are “second class citizens” in God’s eyes.
  • No; Eph. 5:22, Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. The wife’s submission to her husband is an extension of her submission to the Lord. It is done out of reverence for Christ.
  • In like fashion, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (v25) – with the kind of agape love Jesus demonstrated in his sacrificial death on the cross.

Submission is a hallmark of Christian living because submission was a hallmark of Christ’s life. Jesus modeled this kind of submission and humility throughout His life.

Mutual submission to one another is grounded in mutual reverence for Christ.

Submitting to one another doesn’t mean abandoning your principles. It doesn’t mean that you always have to lay down your convictions. Not at all. We should never compromise the truth of God or the clear teachings of scripture.

All this means is that we should seek to live in humility. We should seek humility in our relationships with others. This is what submission is all about – in humility, I give up my desire to win the argument. Instead, I want to pursue what’s best out of reverence for Christ.

So what would this look like in your life? How can you seek greater humility in your relationships?

I was speaking to a friend recently and she said that she rarely says, “I’m sorry.” Instead, she forces herself to say, “Will you forgive me?” According to her, saying, “I’m sorry,” is too easy. But asking someone’s forgiveness is a place of humility that is more in line with biblical repentance.

Maybe there’s someone in your life — someone who needs to hear you say those words, “Will you forgive me?” It takes a lot of humility to say those words, but I can’t think of a more powerful way to live out this command from God’s Word.

Someone has said that humility is knowing the truth about yourself. The humble person knows that he or she is a sinner, that it’s only by the grace of God that they have been saved. And they bring that perspective into their relationships with other people.

Imagine what it would look like if we did this in our relationships.

Imagine what would happen in our churches and in our communities if we modeled this kind of humility, putting our own selfish desires aside for the sake of others.

Humility breaks the power of the enemy. It keeps us from being prideful.

A wise old man was once called to sit on a council about a brother who had committed a sin. The council was called to determine the fate of this brother in sin. As he made his way to the meeting, the old man brought along a leaking jug of water. When the others asked him about this, the old man said, “My sins run out behind me and I do not see them, because today I am coming to judge the error of another.” When they heard this, they said nothing more except to forgive the brother in question.

That is what humility in our relationships looks like.