So the big news here in the Rocket City (besides price-gouging gas stations) is that a certain Oval Office inhabitant is coming to town later this week. The reason for W’s visit: a fundraising dinner on behalf of two Alabama Republicans running for Congress. A $1000 donation gets you in the door; for a cool $10,000, you can score a Polaroid of your ugly mug with the 43rd POTUS.

Not that they’d even let me anywhere near the place, but all of this got me wondering: what would you say to the President if you had the chance to shake his hand and get a pic with him? I mean, how often do you get to speak to the leader of the free world? You’d have to have something to say in that moment. Do you talk politics? (“Hey, tough break on that ‘No Child Left Behind’ thing.”) Entertainment? (“So, what’d you think of the new Batman movie?”) Personally, I’d love to ask him what he thinks of Letterman’s “Great Moments in Presidential Speeches” (a classic bit, in my opinion).

Actually, I’d probably open with something like, “All this power and you still can’t do anything about the Rangers’ pitching?” I figure that’d get a laugh, you know, break the tension. Plus, this is my wheelhouse. I may not be able to talk foreign policy with him, but I can hold my own with anybody when the topic is baseball. Then I’d turn on a dime and get semi-serious and say something about his leadership in the wake of 9/11 and how much I appreciated it. While his administration will probably be remembered primarily for the debacle that is the war in Iraq, I’ll never forget the way he handled the immediate aftermath of 9/11: walking through the rubble at Ground Zero, addressing the nation that night, quoting Psalm 23. I’d tell him I think he was dealt a pretty tough hand there, but I’d want him to know that in those fearful, tearful days, he was just the leader we needed. And for that, I’d thank him.

Then I’d close with, “So, who ya votin’ for this year?” Then we’d chuckle and high-five and snap the photo and the moment would be preserved.

Now if I can just raise $10,000…