I was asked to teach a class at Impact this year. Each teacher was asked to share their story and relate their story to a Biblical character’s story. The parallel story I chose was the Jacob narrative in Genesis 32. This passage has always intrigued me. You’ve probably read it before: Alone at the river Jabbok, Jacob is approached by a man who engages him in an all-night wrestling match. Turns out the assailant is God incarnate. Just before dawn, God commands Jacob to release him. Jacob refuses to comply, instead demanding a blessing from his adversary. God changes his name to Israel, a moniker representative of their encounter. Jacob limps away bearing the scars of his meeting with the divine.

I chose this text as a parallel to my own story because it says much about my own experience with God. Jacob was a tenacious guy. As his birth narrative also illustrates, Jacob was a determined individual. Once he grabbed on to something — be it God or his brother’s heel — he didn’t let go. Like Jacob, I’ve wrestled with God through a period of darkness in my life. After the death of my mother, I went to some dark places spiritually. I held God accountable for her death. I directed my anger and pain toward Him. Doubt, fear, resentment, bitterness…all of these I experienced as I wrestled with my faith and my God.

It’s true that in the Genesis 32 narrative, Jacob demonstrates his usual tenacity, refusing to let go of God. But I think Jacob’s story, and even my own, is about so much more. If you look at the entirety of Jacob’s story, you realize his story is not so much about his refusal to let go of God; instead, it’s about God’s refusal to let go of a guy like Jacob.

Jacob was a man of questionable character. Yet God chose to make him the namesake of His covenant people. I’m thankful tonight that God has likewise chosen me for covenant relationship, in spite of my sometimes questionable character. Even during the times in my life when I’ve let go of Him, God has never given up on me. In that regard, I am Jacob.

Thank you, Father, for pursuing me with Your relentless love. Thank you for never letting go of me, never giving up on me. In spite of who I have been, you change my name and call me into covenant relationship with You.