The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Part 1

Posted on November 22, 2023 by Jason

The Bible tells us that our words are important. In fact, the Bible says our words have the power of life and death.

The tongue has the power of life and death…

Proverbs 18:21

This is one of those universal truths that everyone has experienced. Our words have the power to build up and they have the power to tear down. In the New Testament, James puts it this way: James 3:10, Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

Think back to a time when someone said something hurtful to you or about you. It probably doesn’t take long for most of us to remember a time when someone criticized us or said something cruel to us. “You’re too this or you’re not enough of that.” Maybe they said it to your face; maybe they said it behind your back to other people. But just think back to one of those times when someone else really wounded you with their words.

Now, can you remember how long ago this was? 

The wound may be fairly fresh — something from the past week or month. But I suspect most of us can go back to a moment that happened years ago. Can you remember that hurtful experience from five years ago? Ten years ago? Twenty?

I can still remember something really discouraging that my fourth grade teacher said to me all the way back in 1986.

And I know you have your own version of those discouraging, critical words that can be so painful. Unfortunately, negative words have a long shelf life. There’s really no expiration date on those negative words. Often times, they play on a loop, over and over again in our minds.

The good news is that positive, uplifting words hold the same power. As it says, the tongue has the power of death, but also the power of life. Yes, I remember some of those negative words, even decades later. But I can thank the Lord that I can also remember some positive words I received in my childhood or when I was a teenager — right up to the present day. And I know you’re the same way, too.

Everyone needs to hear words of affirmation and love and appreciation. It’s one of the most basic ways that our emotional tanks are filled up. So let’s use our words to build up — to bring life, not death.

One of the ways we can do this is through encouragement. Our world is full of discouragement — which makes encouragement all the more important. You know there is a person in the Bible who is called “son of encouragement.” His name is Barnabas. Luke mentions him first in Acts 4:36.

…Jospeh, who was called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement) …

Acts 4:36

To encourage literally means “to help, to console, to comfort.” And Barnabas certainly uses his words to do this. His encouragement at the right time made all the difference in the life of Saul (who would go on to become the Apostle Paul) and a young man named John Mark — and who knows how many others benefitted from the encouragement of Barnabas.

This is one of the most important love languages for a majority of people. So how can you be a son or daughter of encouragement this week? How can we use our words to love people well?

For those of you who are married, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to find a way to praise your spouse in front of other people. Look for opportunities to build him / her up in front of someone else. You get bonus points if you do this in front of his / her family. This will encourage your husband or wife in a special way.

A few days ago, Sunny was talking to Jackson and she said something about me that I really treasured. It was this beautiful compliment that was totally unprompted — it just came from her heart. And it meant so much to me — not only to know that this is what she thinks of me but also to have her voice that in front of our son. It was a really special moment that I will treasure for a long time.

So look for a way to do this — to show love to your spouse by building him / her up in front of someone else.

Of course, saying encouraging words about your spouse is no substitute for saying encouraging words to your spouse. A healthy marriage will have a good balance of both.

Encouragement always makes a difference. No matter who you are, not matter where you are: everyone needs encouragement.

The young people in your life need some encouragement. I talk to our younger members all the time and so many of them recognize a need to have some older people in their lives saying, “I’ve been where you are right now. You’re going to make it.” They need people reminding them about God’s promises as they’re navigating the seasons of life.

  • They need people sharing their own stories of how they made it through their days as a young adult.
  • They need to hear how you made it through those early years of being married, those sleepless nights with crying babies, when your own children were teenagers.
  • They need to hear about how you dealt with stresses at work, how you dealt with aging parents — all the things we experience in the various stages of life.
  • And they need the encouragement to know that they’ll make it through.

And the older people in your life need some encouragement, too. They need people in their lives who will listen. They want to know that they are respected and appreciated and loved. Those things never change no matter your age or stage of life.

Encouragement always makes a difference.

Posted in Blessings, Devotional, Family, Kids, Love Others, Marriage, Proverbs, Scripture, Sunny | Leave a comment

The Five Love Languages: Learning to Love Like Jesus, Part 2

Posted on November 16, 2023 by Jason

In my previous post, I introduced the five love languages popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his best-selling book. With this post, I want to take a look at the example of Jesus in the New Testament. In the Gospels, we see Jesus demonstrating love to others in a variety of different ways.

In fact, you find examples of Jesus speaking all five love languages in His interactions in the Gospels. And we can learn much from Jesus when it comes to loving people well. After all, He is the world’s leading authority on the subject.

Words of Affirmation

There are many examples of Jesus speaking words of affirmation and love. I want to point out two, both of them in the Gospel of John.

John tells a story of a woman who was caught committing adultery. This was a serious offense and the crowd was wanting to condemn her. But Jesus turns them away by telling them they could only cast stones if they were without sin. When the mob dispersed, Jesus spoke to her alone:

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

John 8:10-11

In a moment when this woman might have expected condemnation, Jesus instead speaks words of life to her. He says, “I don’t condemn you. Now leave this life of sin behind.” What a powerful word! Jesus uses His words to lift her burden and to call her into a different way of being. I would argue this is the most loving thing we could ever do with our words. And Jesus shows us the way here.

Are you using your words to ease someone’s burden?

Later on, just prior to His arrest and crucifixion, Jesus gives these words of encouragement to His disciples: Just as the Father has loved me, I have also loved you; remain in my love (John 15:9). In these critical final hours before His death, we see Jesus reminding His disciples that He loves them. I think they already knew this. But Jesus tells them anyway — and He gives us a tremendous example to follow.

Are you telling the people in your life how much you love them?

I bet there are some people in your life who need to hear some words of loving affirmation from you today.

Quality Time

Jesus had a special relationship with the Twelve. But within that larger group, He also seems to have had an even closer relationship with Peter, James, and John. It’s not a stretch to say that Jesus prioritized quality time with these closest friends. Again, just two examples, this time from the Gospel of Matthew:

And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John his brother, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became white as light.

Matthew 17:1-2

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”

Matthew 26:36-38

The Transfiguration was a moment of glory; His face shines like the sun and His clothes are dazzlingly white.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus is in agony; He says His soul is sorrowful, even to the point of death.

And in both instances, Jesus wants His closest friends by His side. He prioritizes this time with them — because He loves them.

Quality time requires only two things: being intentional and being present. Is there someone in your life who needs quality time with you?

Acts of Service

When it comes to Jesus, you could say that His whole life was an act of service. And that wouldn’t be wrong. But He also demonstrates love in some very specific ways that He chooses to serve others.

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.

John 13:1-2 (NIV84)

Immediately following this, Jesus washes the feet of His disciples. This was considered a lowly task, which is why Simon Peter balks when Jesus tries to was his feet. But Jesus does it anyway as a way of foreshadowing what He would do on the cross. Jesus tells us that the cross is His greatest act of service. Mark 10:45, For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

After washing the disciples’ feet, Jesus tells them to wash one another’s feet — a way of saying that His followers ought to be servants.

Is there someone in your life you can serve in love? Of course there is! Think about some ways you can serve them in love this week.

Physical Touch

This is one of my favorite pictures of Jesus from the Gospels: He reaches out and touches those who were considered “untouchable” and “unclean” in His day.

After he came down from the mountain, large crowds followed him. And a leper approached and bowed low before him, saying, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” He stretched out his hand and touched him saying, “I am willing. Be clean!” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

Matthew 8:1-3

Imagine how long it must have been since anyone touched this man! Not only was his leprosy highly contagious, but it was considered a sign of divine judgment, a curse from God. But Jesus demonstrates His love for this man by reaching out and touching his flesh and healing him.

So how can we follow the example of Jesus here?

It’s important to point out that we are not advocating for any sort of unwelcome physical touch. We really need to respect people’s boundaries here and allow for the fact that some people do NOT want to be touched.

But there are a few examples that come to my mind:

Your children and grandchildren need the security of your safe physical touch. It has been proven that babies need the security that comes from being held. And as they grow older, our children need hugs and high-fives and fist bumps — your son needs you to get down on the floor and wrestle with him and your daughter needs a hug every day and she needs to be told that she is precious.

Also, I’ve found that older people are in need of safe physical touch, especially those who live alone. Loneliness and isolation can be so strong. And I’ve found that for many older members, church is the only time in their week when someone will shake their hand or give them a hug. That’s hugely important.

Receiving Gifts

This is another one of those where you could say that Christ’s whole life was a gift. And that’s true. But there are a couple of specifics where we see this in Jesus, too:

  • The gift of the Holy Spirit He promises to His followers (John 14)
  • The gift He gives to Mary from the cross (John 19), asking John to take care of her
  • The gift of salvation He freely offers to everyone

Jesus loves by giving gifts. Even a cursory reading of the Scriptures illustrates this.

Is there someone in your life who needs the gift of your concern, your care, your friendship?

This week, you will be surrounded by people who speak different love languages. Our challenge, as followers of Jesus, is to find a way to love these people well.

As Jesus said in John 15:12, This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Posted in Books, Church, Devotional, Faith, God, Gospel, Jesus, Kingdom Values, Love First, Love of Christ, Love Others, Scripture | 1 Comment

The Five Love Languages: Learning to Love Like Jesus, Part 1

Posted on November 14, 2023 by Jason

There are certain things we all share in common: each one of us has a soul, a mind, a heart. The Bible says that each person is made in the image of God — and that applies to everyone who has ever lived. In a lot of meaningful ways, we’re all very much alike.

And yet, we also have some significant differences. We are shaped by differing experiences. Our backgrounds are diverse. Our personalities are quite different, as reflected in the Enneagram numbers and Myers-Briggs letters. That’s part of the beauty of God’s creation: we’re all alike but we’re also very different.

And one of those differences is in what has been described as our “love languages.” In his best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman says that everyone has a primary love language — the way they best receive love from others.

Chapman identifies these as the five primary love languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Physical Touch
  5. Receiving Gifts

Dr. Chapman says that everyone has an emotional tank that needs to be filled with love. That’s another one of those similarities we share. It’s a basic human need to feel loved. But the difference comes in the way we best receive that love.

For some people, words of affirmation are really important. If this is your primary love language, then you need to hear the words, “I love you.” You need to hear affirming words on a regular basis in order to feel secure and loved. I would add that those loving words need to be matched by a loving tone in order for people to have their emotional tank filled.

For others, it’s less about words and more about time. For these folks, the need is quality time with their loved ones. “I don’t care what we do, as long as we’re together.” That’s the love language of quality time.

Another group of people are more motivated by acts of service. Their attitude is basically, “Don’t tell me that you love me; instead, show me that you love me by the things you do.” These are “actions speak louder than words” people.

And yet, for others, physical touch is their primary love language. This gets into the intimate relationship between husbands and wives, but it’s also much more than that. Physical touch could be something as simple as a hug or putting a hand on someone’s shoulder when they need consolation. Sometimes that communicates more than anything else.

For a final group of people, receiving gifts fills them with a feeling of love and appreciation. You’ve heard the saying, “It’s the thought that counts.” Well, for these people that’s especially true. They receive that thoughtfulness as an act of love.

The idea is that everyone needs a healthy balance of these expressions of love. But everyone also has one or two of these that really stand out as especially meaningful.

Over the next few weeks, I’d like to explore these love languages here in this space. And I hope the reason is evident: because understanding these love languages will help us learn how to better love the people in our lives. And by learning how to love, we demonstrate faithfulness to the teaching of Jesus.

And loving people well is a hallmark of following Jesus.

Think about your primary love language. Which one of these stands out to you? Think about your relationship with your spouse or your parents or your close friends. What do they do that means the most to you?

Do you cherish words of affirmation from your loved ones?

Maybe a hug or some other kind of loving touch means more to you than all the words in the world.

Do you crave that quality time with your loved ones above anything else?

Perhaps it’s an act of service that means the most to you. Do you fall in love with your husband a little more whenever he unloads the dishwasher?

Is it receiving gifts — even the “little things” — that makes your heart feel full?

Now think about the people in your life. Can you identify someone in your world who seems to receive love in each of these ways? It’s really not hard once you think about it.

Let’s use these love languages to love people well.

In so doing, we just might learn to love like Jesus.

Posted in Books, Devotional, Faith, Jesus, Kingdom Values, Love Others, Scripture | Leave a comment

Thankful for Friends

Posted on November 13, 2023 by Jason

Our hearts have been warmed over the past few days by receiving pictures from some of our good friends who have been on campus at Harding University recently. They’ve made it a point to seek out the twins and spend some time with them, sharing a meal together and just checking on them. I am so grateful for the good influences God has placed in Joshua and Abby Kate’s lives. This is the best! Grateful we have the opportunity to share the love of Christ with so many good people!

Posted in Blessings, Faith, Family, Friends, Kids, Love of Christ, Love Others | 1 Comment

State: Sophomore Year

Posted on November 12, 2023 by Jason

Yesterday Jackson finished up his sophomore year of cross country by competing in the 3A State Championship. Not only did his team wrap up the season with a Top 10 finish in their classification, one of his teammates had the fourth best time among all 3A runners.

Jackson finished with a time of 19:13, his best time this season and only 8 seconds off of his personal record. He has really put in a ton of work this season and it was nice to see all of that culminate with a great performance yesterday. In addition, given that he is now one of the older guys on the team, Jackson has really stepped up as a vocal and emotional leader. Which is crazy to me because it doesn’t seem that long ago that he was just getting started with cross country.

I can’t describe the joy and the pride I feel when I watch him run. He promises me that it’s hard work (no doubt) but to me he makes it look effortless. And my heart jumps for joy every time I see him rounding the bend in one of these races. I’m sad to see another season come to an end but what a great way to finish! And it doesn’t sound like he’s planning to do much resting in the days ahead — he’s already asking me to sign him up for a half-marathon in December. I’m glad that he and some of his teammates are willing to continue working together even though the season has ended.

Sunny shot this video yesterday. I was too busy cheering him on — as I’m sure you can hear on the video! Congratulations, Jackson. Watching you run is pure joy, son.

Posted in Blessings, Cross Country, Family, Kids, Sports, Video | Leave a comment

Into the Heart of Romans

Posted on November 10, 2023 by Jason

I’ve been working my way through N.T. Wright’s latest book, Into the Heart of Romans: A Deep Dive into Paul’s Greatest Letter. I’m about halfway through — really trying to soak in his argument. But I highly recommend it. Wright is considered one of the leading New Testament scholars of our day, particularly when it comes to Paul and his theology. With Into the Heart of Romans, Wright exegetes one of the landmark texts in the Christian faith, the eighth chapter of Romans.

When I received my copy, I immediately jumped to his chapter on Romans 8:28. I appreciate Wright’s argument that the subject of that classic sentence should be “God” (the rendering adopted by the RSV and the NIV) rather than “all things” in the fashion of the KJV and other translations. Following this reading opens up a theological principle that is right in line with the balance of the biblical witness: God works in all things, even a Roman symbol of torture and power (the cross), to bring about His good purposes. This is also a pastorally sensitive position that takes better account of human suffering and pain, not to mention the reality of the enemy and his forces.

This is just one example of why I love this little book. His discussion about the ways the Spirit fulfills what Torah promised (chapter three) is incredible, too. Romans 8 is typically Pauline in its density but Wright has a gift for unpacking and explaining the terms Paul often uses as shorthand references back to the story of Israel in the Old Testament. Whereas we might hear the spirit vs. law arguments through the arguments of the Reformers, Wright pulls us back further, to Paul himself and still further back into Israel’s past, where terms like “dwelling” and “glory” conjure up images, not of a disembodied heaven but of the heaven-on-earth touchpoints of Tabernacle and Temple. With this firmly established, Wright then takes us back to Paul for a fresh understanding of his arguments in light of these contexts. It’s all brilliant and biblical and incredibly helpful.

I have a feeling you’ll be seeing this one on my year-end “best books” post next month. I highly recommend it.

Posted in Books, Theology | Tagged , | Leave a comment

A Book by … C.S. Lewis?

Posted on November 6, 2023 by Jason

A friend of mine sent me this book for my birthday. A quick glance and you’d think the book was Smoke on the Mountain by C.S. Lewis, right?

Poor Joy Davidman.

Posted in Books, Friends, Humor | Leave a comment

Go Vols

Posted on November 4, 2023 by Jason

The twins came home for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. Joshua and I watched the Tennessee game and he even brought a little gift for Dodger.

Posted in Blessings, Family, Football, Sports | Leave a comment

Kingdom Paradigm

Posted on November 1, 2023 by Jason

I’ve been using this tool recently in my teaching. It’s actually something I developed a few years ago and I keep a handwritten version of this taped inside my Bible. I think visuals like this help us make sense of things. Archiving it here for future use.

If you’d like to hear more about this, leave me a comment and I can explain. Be warned: I can talk about this for HOURS!

Posted in Discipleship, Faith, Gospel, Imago Dei, Kingdom Values, Missiology, Scripture, Theology | Leave a comment

Jason Isbell @ the Ryman @ the Orion

Posted on October 27, 2023 by Jason

Two shows, about a week apart.

Same artist.

Same great company.

Two different venues.

So much fun!

Posted in Family, Huntsville, Prayer | Tagged | Leave a comment