And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”
Acts 9:4
At the beginning of Acts 9, things must be going well for Paul (Saul). He’s expanding his work, asking the high priest for letters authorizing him to go to Damascus to exterminate the Jesus movement after the execution of Stephen. The opening verse of the chapter couldn’t be any clearer: he is breathing out murderous threats against the disciples. If he finds believers in Damascus, he is to bring them to Jerusalem as prisoners. Knowing his story as we do, we see the irony: this is ultimately the direction Paul’s own story will head.
And I am intrigued by the words Jesus spoke to him on the road to Damascus: “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting ME?”
How is Paul persecuting Jesus?
There’s only one answer: by persecuting His followers.
We can infer a powerful truth here. Jesus is so intimately connected to His followers that He experiences their persecution as His own.
This is amazing. Jesus is the living embodiment of what Paul would later teach: rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Paul has gotten it all wrong. These Christ-followers aren’t the dangerous rogues Paul assumed them to be with their claims of a crucified and resurrected Messiah. This small but resilient band of believers has rightly discerned that God’s Messianic promises to Israel have now been fulfilled in Jesus. And all of this comes crashing down upon Paul on the road to Damascus as he hears, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” (Acts 9:5).
This is a word of comfort, a word of Good News — that Jesus feels what His followers feel.
God has put me in a position to hear people’s pain on a regular basis. My heart breaks for the suffering and adversity so many good people have to endure. But one of the only things that seems to truly bring comfort is the knowledge that we don’t suffer alone. To have someone join you in your suffering is often the only practical form of comfort we can experience.
And to know that Jesus feels the persecution of His people is one of the greatest proofs of His identity as Immanuel — God with us. The cross itself is a testimony to His willingness to join us in our pain. We’ve often pointed to the cross as the place where Jesus identifies with our sin. And this is certainly true, as the atonement theories will testify.
But this is not exclusively true. It’s not the only thing going on at the cross. Yes, this is where Jesus identifies with our sin — but it is also the place where He identifies with our suffering. Roman crucifixion was specifically engineered to maximize pain. It was the most shameful death human minds could ever devise. And Jesus HAD to die THIS way.
The scriptures are clear: Jesus had to die at Passover because of His identification as the Lamb of God who takes away our sin. This is the necessity of WHEN He died.
But He also had to die in this particular way in order to most fully identify with our suffering. He had to die on that cross — the necessity of HOW He died.
And in His resurrected state, He still identifies with our suffering.
As these early believers are being persecuted, Jesus experiences this as persecution within Himself.
And as His followers today suffer for righteousness’ sake, He feels this as well.
This is Good News, that Immanuel is still with us, that He feels what we feel. In this, I find comfort and hope. And I hope you do, too.
Before looking at the story of Paul’s conversion in Acts 9, I’m reminded of something he says in Romans:
[Jesus is the one] through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations…
Romans 1:5
What does he mean by “the obedience of faith?”
To believe in Christ is to put one’s trust in Him. It is more than an intellectual assent to a set of propositional truths. It is a highly relational act. And obedience is a piece of this relationship. This surely troubles some who would emphasize the efficacy of grace as a way of making our faith attractive to outsiders. But obedience should be understood as the natural next step in our relationship with Jesus. After all, we have ascribed to Him the title “Lord.”
Scholar and translator David Stern has termed this “trust-grounded obedience.” Maybe that communicates the point in a palatable way. It is the obedience that comes from faith, obedience that comes because one believes.
I asked my family what they thought this meant. I said, “What is the relationship between faith and obedience?” Sunny replied, “I believe, therefore I obey.” She said this was just part of the gospel she heard growing up and she even said this is something that has been reinforced through her reading of scripture — especially the writings of Paul.
Jackson added an interesting point. He noted that this works differently in different people. Whereas some individuals believe and this leads them to obey, others “obey their way into the faith.” He said this was basically the way it worked for him. He grew up around the faith and was obedient to the precepts and the “rules” — and this was helpful in leading him to the point of faith.
Joshua added that loyalty was a key part of obedience for him. He said he finds it hard to say that you’re obedient if you’re not remaining loyal to your commitment. In a way, Joshua is defining obedience as an act of faithfulness, as being loyal to your faith – which is simply another way of explaining Stern’s “trust-grounded obedience.”
I think this entire discussion is a helpful way of explaining what Paul means by the phrase, “the obedience of faith.” This is one of the keys to the gospel he proclaims. And it is a significant piece of his story, beginning in Acts 9.
One of my good friends gave me a tremendous Christmas gift this year. He scanned hundreds and hundreds of old photos so I would have digital copies of them, many of them going back to my childhood or the early days of my relationship with Sunny. I’m still going through all of these pictures and the memories associated with them. What an incredible gift!
One picture I really love is this one of us at the beach. Not exactly sure the year, probably the early 2000s before we had children.
I’m reading the book of Acts right now with an eye toward studying Paul: his movements and his teachings according to Luke. I’ll carry this along for the first little bit here in 2025. For the purposes of clarity, I will use the name “Paul” when writing about this figure, although Luke uses the name “Saul” in these early chapters.
Then they cast [Stephen] out of the city and stoned him. And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a young man named Saul.
And Saul approved of his execution. And there arose on that day a great persecution against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria, except the apostles. Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him. But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison.
Now those who were scattered went about preaching the word.
Acts 7:58, 8:1-4
This is how we are first introduced to Paul in Luke’s narrative. He is present at the stoning of Stephen, which appears to be an act of mob violence. The Sanhedrin could not carry out the death sentence, as in the case of Jesus — which is why He was sent before Pilate for Roman sentencing.
This means that Stephen’s death was basically a lynching.
And Paul approved.
As N.T. Wright has noted, Paul was a young man of considerable zeal. This might be one of his most pronounced lifelong qualities.
We know from Paul’s own testimony in Acts 22:20 that this event had a profound effect on him.
Unlike his teacher, Gamaliel, Paul refused to seek compromise in matters of spiritual fidelity. If the old order was to be preserved, this new group must die, along with their claims of a resurrected Messiah.
When it says that Paul sought to ravage the church, the word is literally “destroy.” Some speculate that Paul was part of the Freedman’s Synagogue mentioned in Acts 6:9, those who argued against Stephen yet failed to best his Spirit-inspired wisdom. In Acts 6:11, we see that these men secretly persuaded some to make false accusations against Stephen. If this was the case, it would be easy to imagine the same “secret persuaders” inciting the mob to stone Stephen later.
The Greek word used to describe Paul’s ravaging of the church is used in the LXX (the Greek translation of the OT) to speak of wild beasts (such as lions and bears) tearing at raw flesh. This is the vigor with which Paul terrorizes the church. He caused so much persecution that the church is said to have experienced “peace” at his conversion (Acts 9:31).
But we’re a long way from there at the outset of Acts 8. Believers scatter in fear because of Paul’s murderous threats.
But Acts 8:4 reveals God’s divine sovereignty: Those who were scattered went on their way preaching the word.
Even as Paul acts to take the lives of believers, his actions serve to further the mission of God, the mission to which Jesus will later call him: the spread of the gospel. This is not to say that God “caused” the deaths of these believers or the hardship of those whose lives were disrupted, only that we should see His redemptive hand at work. The word describing the dispersal of these believers (diaspiero) comes from the Greek word for “seed.” These believers were scattered as seed, but even scattered seeds grow.
Ironically, the persecution of these believers only led to further increase.
Still, this picture of Paul is a somber, bloodthirsty one: breaking and entering into people’s homes to arrest those he considers to be heretical. Zealous, indeed.
But in order for this seed to grow and bear God’s intended fruit, it must — like all seeds — be buried.
Each year, I set myself a goal of reading one book per week. It’s a pretty ambitious goal and most years I miss the mark. But this year, I’ve finished 54 books and many of them have been really great. Here are my Top 20 books I’ve read this year, along with comments about a few:
The Five Lies of our Anti-Christian Age by Rosaria Butterfield
I think this is a really important book. Butterfield claims that she is writing especially for an audience of Christian women, but this book deserves a broader reading. Butterfield was formerly an English professor at Syracuse University whose primary academic field was critical theory with an emphasis in queer theory. But after coming to faith in Christ, she renounced her lesbian identity and has since become an important voice responding to several of the cultural shifts in our day. Using Scripture, she examines the lies we often hear in secular culture pertaining to gender, sexual identity, and feminism. The five lies she identifies are: 1) Homosexuality is normal; 2) Being a spiritual person is kinder than being a biblical Christian; 3) Feminism is good for the world and the church; 4) Transgenderism is normal; 5) Modesty is outdated and it serves male dominance by holding back women. Butterfield will come off as confrontational to some, but personally, I find her treatment of these issues to be refreshing, bold, thoughtful, and deeply biblical. I highly recommend The Five Lies of Our Anti-Christian Age.
The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers by Henri Nouwen
Over the last few years, I’ve become more acquainted with the spirituality of the desert fathers — early Christians who withdrew into silence and solitude in order to more deeply connect with God. One of the results of our frenetic, fast-paced lives is a loss of reverence. But the desert fathers advocate for a way of life that is just as radical today as it was in the third century: a life of intentional solitude and deep silence. I love his book and I wish everyone would read it.
The Dark Night of the Soul: A Psychiatrist Explores the Connection Between Darkness and Spiritual Growth by Gerald G. May
This book will reorient your perspective of suffering as God’s instrument of transformation in our lives.
Critical Dilemma: The Rise of Critical Theories and Social Justice Ideology – Implications for Church and Society by Neil Shenvi and Pat Sawyer
I’ve done quite a bit of study on the topic of critical theory over the last couple of years and I can say that Shenvi and Sawyer have written what I consider to be an essential volume in the discussion, especially from a Christian perspective. You’ll find this to be a well-reasoned and fair-handed treatment of the various dimensions of critical theory and social justice ideology.
The Wide Wide Sea: Imperial Ambition, First Contact and the Fateful Final Voyage of Captain James Cook by Hampton Sides
I find these real life stories of adventure and discovery to be fascinating. I didn’t know much about Captain Cook when I picked up a copy of this book, but he has to go down as one of the most important men who has ever lived. A fascinating account of his fateful third voyage around the world.
The Little Friend by Donna Tartt
Jackson asked me to read this one because Donna Tartt is his favorite modern-day author. I loved this book. It’s about many things: nostalgia, revenge, the South, sisterhood. But more than anything, it’s about the losses we experience that change us and cause us to grow up — and the type of people we become as a result. My favorite fiction read of the year.
Living In Christ’s Presence by Dallas Willard
Anything by Dallas Willard is really great.
Out of the Darkness: The Mystery of Aaron Rodgers by Ian O’Connor
Rodgers is the best QB I’ve ever seen. I know others will argue for Brady, but I’ve never seen anyone do the things Rodgers has done on a football field. I would also argue that Rodgers is the most interesting and misunderstood athlete of this century so far. This book peels back some of the mystery surrounding his persona.
Into the Silent Land: A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation by Martin Laird
Great wisdom to help you pray.
Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul by Tony Hendra
Tony Hendra, of Monty Python fame, writes about the influence of his spiritual director, Father Joe. If you told me that one of the Monty Python players would write my favorite spiritual memoir of the year, I wouldn’t have believed you. But that’s exactly what this is.
Elon Musk by Walter Isaacson
I loved this book, but with Musk now playing an important part in President Trump’s second administration, this volume already feels wildly incomplete. But as it is, Isaacson has written an essential biography of one of this generation’s most iconic and important personalities.
Blood Meridan by Cormac McCarthy
McCarthy’s haunting tale of the Kid and the Judge doesn’t pull any punches. It’s an unflinchingly violent story, one whose thesis seems to be the universal bloodthirstiness of humanity.
The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris
I’m a big Roosevelt fan and this is the first of Morris’s trilogy of biographies, covering his early years to his rise to the presidency. I’m thinking I’ll read volume two in 2025 and wrap up with the final entry in 2026.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah
Contemplative Prayer by Thomas Merton
The Yankee Years by Tom Verducci and Joe Torre
This was my favorite baseball book this year.
Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships? Examining 10 Claims about Scripture and Sexuality by Rebecca McLaughlin
When the Game Was Ours by Magic Johnson and Larry Bird
Counterfeit Kingdom: The Dangers of New Revelation, New Prophets, and New Age Practices in the Church by Holly Pivec and Douglas Geivett
In the Bybee family, we have a tradition of decorating for Christmas on the day after Thanksgiving. The boys and I get in the attic and bring down all of the Christmas boxes and while Sunny puts out all of the decorations, we set up the Christmas tree. And once the tree is up, I have this weird thing where I have to be the person to put the ornaments on the tree. To be honest, I’m kind of obsessive about it. I lay out all of the ornaments on the kitchen table and then I strategically place them where I want them to go. And I won’t let anyone else help.
There are a few reasons for this. For one, you have to consider the aesthetics when it comes to the placing of these ornaments. For example, we have quite a few St. Louis Cardinals ornaments we’ve collected over the years. So I have a very particular way of spreading out these ornaments around the tree. You don’t want them all clumped up together in one spot: some need to go on one side, some on the other side. It’s about balance.
Then there are sentimental reasons for the ornament placement. There are certain ornaments I want to feature prominently on the front of the tree, at eye level where everyone can see. These are ornaments we bought on family trips over the years or ornaments given to us by our friends or ornaments the kids made when they were little. These have sentimental meaning to us and I want them to be front and center on the tree.
But the final reason I’m so obsessive about the ornaments is because I also want to make sure that some of them always go on the back of the Christmas tree. Because honestly, I don’t like looking at them. I think these ornaments are kind of ugly but Sunny doesn’t want to get rid of them. She wants them on the tree but I don’t want to look at them. So every year, I make sure to put them on the back of the tree where I don’t have to see them.
Here’s an example of one of these ornaments:
Sunny has had this ornament since childhood. There’s no sentimental backstory to this ornament, at least not one that she can remember. She has no idea how she ended up with this ornament, but she’s always had it. I think he’s supposed to be Santa — except for the fact that he’s wearing a green hat and he’s carrying a yoga mat on his back or something. Others say he’s a gnome. Either way, I think he’s ugly.
And Sunny agrees that he’s ugly, although as we were talking about it, she also said, “He’s so ugly, he’s kinda cute.” We’re guessing somebody gave him to Sunny in 1981 since that’s the year written on his hat. But she would’ve been three years old that Christmas, so she has no idea where it came from. So she’s kept it all these years and she always wants me to put it on the tree — but every year, I take Ugly Green Hat Yoga Santa Gnome and hide him back there on the backside of the tree where he belongs.
I’m telling you this because it reveals something about us. The impulse which drives us to hide certain ornaments on the backside of the Christmas tree is the same one that compels us to hide certain parts of our lives from view. The fact that I tuck away these ornaments back there where no one can see them reminds me that there are certain parts of my life I’d just as soon not see, parts I hide from others or even from myself. And you do the same thing.
It could be a mistake from the distant past: some moment of indiscretion when you did something or said something that was really out of character for you. And even though it was significant, rather than dealing with it, you just hid it back there where no one could see and you just hoped it would go away.
It could be an ongoing addiction, a struggle you’ve had for a long time, one that continues to this day.
Maybe there’s a part of your life nobody else even knows about and you’ve worked so hard to keep it tucked away but you’re finding out just how exhausting that can be. That’s one thing Satan will never tell you: how exhausting it is when you have to maintain the lie: to remember the last lie you told and to make sure your story remains consistent. You have to expend SO MUCH energy trying to keep things hidden — that’s why it eventually comes out. Your sin will find you out, according to the Bible. You can only do this for so long.
You and I have shameful parts of our stories that make our faces turn as red as Rudolph’s nose. And those are the parts of our lives we want to hide away like the ornaments on the back of the Christmas tree.
And all of this points beyond itself to the reason Jesus was born. Our impulse to hide those parts of our lives is the reason Jesus came to earth.
The angel appeared to Joseph in those days and said unto him:
“Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”
Matthew 1:21
God tells Joseph that something holy is happening here. This child will be named Jesus, which means “the Lord saves.” And Jesus will live up to this name because He will save us from our sins. The word for “sin” in the Bible simply means to miss the mark. It’s a term that was often used in archery circles to describe missing the target. So all of these parts of our lives which bring us shame — all of those sinful choices we’ve made, each time we’ve missed the mark — Jesus came to save us from those sins.
That means He doesn’t view you the way I spoke of these ornaments on the back of the tree — ugly, needing to be hidden away. That’s not how Jesus sees you. No, He sees you as possessing great inherent value. You are precious to Him, so precious that He chose to die to reconcile you back to God.
This is the heart of the Good News: Jesus comes to save.
And Matthew frames this story in a unique way. Just a few verses earlier, he begins his Gospel with the family tree of Jesus. This might seem like an odd way to begin this story, but Matthew is very purposefully recording the lineage that led up to Christ’s birth. He mentions all of these generations from Abraham to David to Joseph, generations who lived and died with the hope that God would one day fulfill all that He had promised to Israel.
I want to show you just a portion of this family tree, highlighting a few names in particular:
Abraham was the father of Isaac, and Isaac the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, and Judah the father of Perez and Zerah by Tamar, and Perez the father of Hezron, and Hezron the father of Ram, and Ram the father of Amminadab, and Amminadab the father of Nahshon, and Nahshon the father of Salmon, and Salmon the father of Boaz by Rahab, and Boaz the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse, and Jesse the father of David the king. And David was the father of Solomon by the wife of Uriah…
Matthew 1:2-6
This is the lineage of Jesus from Abraham to David. I just want to point out a few things about some of Jesus’s ancestors:
Let’s start with Abraham, who is called the father of faith. Paul says he is an example of how we are justified by faith apart from the law. But Abraham’s story was not perfect. He had some ornaments on the back of his tree. As you read his story, you see that he has a hard time telling the truth. It seems like he’s always lying to somebody about Sarah, his wife, telling people that she’s his sister instead. Abraham also agrees to Sarah’s plan to take her handmaiden as his wife, which is an attempt to “help” God fulfill His promise to give them a son. These parts of Abraham’s story would have been the things he would have wanted to cover up, but they’re right there in the Bible.
Then there’s Jacob. If Abraham had a hard time telling the truth, Jacob takes this to a whole new level. He’s a swindler and a cheat, a lying son and a lousy brother and a father who plays favorites with his children.
There’s Rahab, a former prostitute. She’s the great-great-great grandmother of Jesus? Really? That ornament definitely goes on the back of this family tree! Same goes for Ruth, who was originally from Moab, Israel’s longtime enemy.
Jesus is descended from David, which sounds good except for the scandal involving Bathsheba. Do you remember the story? David takes Bathsheba into his bed and then he has her husband killed. Just to make sure we don’t forget, Matthew doesn’t include Bathsheba’s name in this genealogy, referring to her instead as “Uriah’s wife.” I don’t think he means to slight Bathsheba. I honestly think he’s calling to mind David’s scandalous actions by mentioning Bathsheba’s murdered husband by name. Even this “man after God’s own heart” has some ornaments on the back of the tree.
And then there’s Judah and Tamar, which is one of the most risque and sordid stories in the whole Bible. Go read it sometime (Genesis 38) and let it sink in that this story is part of the lineage of Christ.
These parts of the story are scandalous and shameful. These are the stories we would want to cover up, to hide away on the backside of the family tree. We would NEVER tell these kinds of stories in our families! But these names are right there in the opening chapter of Matthew’s Gospel. It’s as if Matthew is saying that these people and their stories are essential to understand why Jesus was born.
These are real people with real stories of real sin and real consequences.
And with this family tree, Jesus is saying to us, “These are my people.”
“These are the people from whom I have come.”
“And these are also the people for whom I have come.”
People like you and me.
People with sin in their lives.
People living with the baggage of bad decisions.
People who are heavy laden with guilt and shame and regret.
People who need to be saved from their sins.
And he shall be called Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.
The association between music and memory is strong for me. I can hear a song from years ago — from high school or when the kids were young — and it will immediately take me back. I can remember details — key moments in my life when this song by so-and-so was the soundtrack in the background. As a result, one of my favorite things to do each year is to look back on the music I found to be the most meaningful these past twelve months. (If you’d like to look at my complete list of favorite albums, you can find it here.)
2024 was a good year for music. Some of my favorite artists released new music and I really enjoyed a lot of it. Here are my five favorite albums of this year. When I look back on 2024, these are the songs I’ll remember.
Best Albums of 2024
Vampire Weekend, Only God Was Above Us
Johnny Blue Skies (Sturgill Simpson), Passage du Desir
Jackson Bybee, Ataraxia
The Secret Sisters, Mind, Man, Medicine
Waxahatchee, Tigers Blood
Vampire Weekend, Only God Was Above Us
This record has been in my heavy rotation ever since it was released back in April. According to my Spotify “Wrapped,” Capricorn was my most played song of 2024 (which checks out; it’s a fantastic song). I’ve followed Vampire Weekend since their debut but I didn’t think they could ever put out anything that would top 2013’s Modern Vampires of the City. But I think Only God Was Above Us is their masterpiece.
For starters, the music is beautiful and melodic. I’ve spent most of the year with these choruses playing in my head — always an essential feature. The soundscape here is both diverse and self-referential at the same time, a fresh expression of some of their most iconic sounds. But I love that this is also a record about looking back, especially given that Vampire Weekend isn’t a fresh-faced indie band these days. These guys are about my age and this is when nostalgia begins to become more meaningful. Take the refrain on Mary Boone:
Oh, my love, was it all in vain?
We always wanted money, now the money’s not the same
In a quiet moment at the theater, I could hear the train
Deep inside the city, your memory remains
There’s also this haunting line from Gen-X Cops which speaks to the slow erosion of youthful idealism:
It wasn’t built for me
It’s your academy
But in my time, you taught me how to see
Each generation makes its own apology
I think this line from Capricorn is a profound expression of life in your forties:
Too old for dyin’ young, too young to live alone
Sifting through centuries, for moments of your own
My favorite song on this album is also my favorite song of the year: Hope, with the constant refrain: I hope you let it go. Cynicism is the great threat as we age into these middle years. But that’s precisely why Hope is such a great finale to this record. It is beautiful and stirring, a presciently optimistic counter to the album’s bleak opening. Moments like this are harder to find when you reach a certain age, but Vampire Weekend have stitched together several of them here. That’s why it’s my favorite album of 2024.
The Reinvention of Sturgill Simpson
Fans were understandably concerned that Sturgill Simpson would follow through on his promise that he would no longer record any music under the “Sturgill” moniker. But all that really meant was that he would reinvent himself under the banner of “Johnny Blue Skies,” which is really just code for “Sturgill’s new band.” I really love this music, almost as much as Only God Was Above Us, and for a couple of months, I thought this one might be my Album of the Year. If the Sun Never Rises Again sounds like something straight out of a 70s AM radio playlist. Mint Tea, One For the Road, and Jupiter’s Faerie rank right up there with the best songs Sturgill has ever recorded. The best news is that we have reason to believe that we’ll continue to hear more of his signature sound in years to come.
Jackson Bybee’s “Ambient Era”
It should come as no surprise that Jackson is the artist I listened to more than any other this year. He released two albums this year, Ataraxia in the spring and the 25-song Vagaries later in the summer. While I love all of his music, Ataraxia stands out for me. Beneath the Surface, Haven, Overflow of Emotion, and The Passage of Time are excellent tracks, great companion pieces for studying or resting. But Reverie is my favorite song Jackson produced this year. In fact, it ranks as my second-favorite song he’s ever done, trailing only Cash from 2022’s evergreen project.
Today Jackson ran his third half-marathon. He continues to blow my mind — there’s not much he can’t do. He shaved five minutes off his previous PR for a time of 1:42:14. Super proud of this guy!
already & not yet 